It's been a while since I've written anything. I've been very busy these last few months. Aside from my usual therapy schedule, I started online college classes, I got my drivers' license, I suffered from a few health issues, and I had surgery a few weeks ago. All the while I've been battling some inner demons along the way.
I want to share with you a short story and I hope that it will resonate with you as the experience itself has with me.
This past Monday morning, as I was walking into therapy, looking down at my feet watching my steps, I noticed a bee right where I was placing my foot. I bent down to get a closer look and realized that the bee was dead. You're thinking, so what a dead insect, right? But seeing this bee ended up being a revelation for me, and before I explain this revelation, let me tell you about my strong, somewhat odd, connection to the bee.
The Honey Bee is my spirit animal. There are many parallels between the bee and myself. You probably didn't know this, but bees are a reminder to trust in miracles. Life itself is a miracle and not many people get to experience that miracle twice, but I have. You see bees are not built to fly. Aerodynamically, it should be impossible for them, but they fly anyway! It's highly doubtful that the bee even knows that it shouldn't fly... it just does; proof that bees are the master of miracles and no matter what they face, they will find a solution. I've read that if you are facing impossible odds, having the bee as your spirit animal is exactly what you need. Shortly after my injury and for quite some time during my recovery, I was told that I may never walk again, and that if I did, it would never be the same. But I am walking again, and I keep working every day to get stronger and better. So just like the bee, I have moved past my limitations. Bees aren't supposed to fly and I wasn't supposed to walk again.... but we both found a way! For the longest time, I would see bees buzzing all around when going into therapy; they were there to remind me to trust in my miracle. When a bee appears in your life, the most common message is productivity. Are we doing too much, or are we doing too little? But in spite of it's strong work ethic, the bee spirit knows the importance of stopping to smell the flowers. In that sense, the bee is my reminder to find my balance between the two.
So what does it mean when you see a dead bee, like on that Monday morning? If I'm being honest, my first thought when I saw the bee, and realized that it was dead was "Great, I'm going to have another bad day". Just like so many of the days before. But that wasn't the truth. In death, your spirit and energy move on and for me this represented a change happening within me. My spirit and my energy had been changing, but unfortunately not for the good. Those changes within me and the battles I had been facing were causing me to feel forgotten by God. I felt used, confused, angry and bitter. I had numerous melt downs and long bouts of doubt and uncertainty. Usually when these moments would happen, they wouldn't last long, but this time I couldn't seem to pull myself out of them. Sulking in my own misery was becoming an everyday thing, and a much as I hated it, I couldn't seem to run from it. I was losing my faith in God and His plan for my life. I was slipping away from His truths and the farther I slipped, the worse I became. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was watching everyone my age start college, pledge sororities, go out with friends and that was tough for me. Some of my friends moved away, and some just moved on. It was a lot tougher than I had anticipated and it led to all these questions of why and it was the reason that I was pulling away from God. Why did I have to miss "the best days of my life"? I was hurting, sad and angry..... Until that Monday morning, when I came across that sweet, little bee.
The bee was symbolic and I believe it was God's way of communicating with me in that moment. I have that connection with the honey bee, being it's my spirit animal, and it brought a tidal wave of emotions that day. God was telling me to let go. He was showing me that He knew my spirit was changing, but that He was going to be here for me always. I just had to get back to trusting Him. I had to surrender those old desires of how I wanted my life to be and trust that He knows what's best for me. My only option.... Let Go and Let God! Because when we worry about what we don't have right now, we can't appreciate all that we do.
Ecclesiastics 3 says "to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven." So without sounding cliche, I encourage you that no matter what battle you face...
Be Still, Let Go and Let God!!!