Finding Faith
In the past, when someone would talk to me about miracles, it would make me uncomfortable. How can a God who is so big hear my prayers. How is it possible with all the terrible things going on in the world does He have time to listen to me? These were some of the thoughts that held me back from knowing God or having any faith.
Faith: having complete trust or confidence in someone or something. I had no idea how to have faith. How can i trust in someone or something that wasn't tangible. I had never seen a miracle. I don't remember having witnessed any in my life, until June 7th. This day was my miracle and the day I gained my faith, and I am blessed to say that the miracles continue.
As I mentioned before, I don't remember exactly what happened when I woke up in the critical care unit. But it didn't take long for the memories to come back, some of those memories though at first I thought were just dreams. You see it all time in movies, and you don't really believe that it's possible - for a person, unconscious, to be out of their physical body, looking at themselves from the outside in. That's not possible, right? But I can tell you that it is possible, because it happened to me. I remember standing outside my body during my emergency surgery, and I heard the surgeon praying for me. I remember seeing God's hands on my neck guiding the surgeons every move. Wow, crazy dream right? But this is not a dream - it's a memory.
It wasn't until I met the man who helped save my life, Dr. Michael Conners III, that I realized it wasn't a dream. I was lying in bed in the critical care unit, unable to move or feel my body, still partially sedated, and in walked a tall and sternly man who I had never met. I was unconscious when I arrived at the hospital and sedated during the surgery, so I didn't meet or see any of my doctors prior to surgery. As he walked over to do his post-op exam, I could have sworn that I had seen this person before, and you can imagine all the thoughts running through my mind, but i told myself, 'maybe he just has a familiar face'. The next time I saw Dr. Conners was a few weeks later, just before I was released from the hospital. I was sitting up in the bed, propped up by pillows and wedges, still not able to move or feel my body, and again walks in the man with the familiar face. He and my dad were at the far end of the room talking behind a curtain. Hearing his voice, I began to have that same memory of being outside of my body flood my mind. A few minutes passed and my dad pulled back the curtain, and as he and Dr. Conners walked toward me I immediately recognized him as the man from my memories. He sat next to me on the bed and explained to me what he did during surgery and what he placed in my body to save my life, and how it worked. I wasn't listening because the entire time he spoke I had one question that kept coming to mind... 'ask him if he really prayed during surgery', I needed to know if I really heard him. As soon as he was finished talking, I asked my question. These were the exact words exchanged... I asked, "Did you pray for me during surgery?" He replied "The whole time". I said "I know because I heard you." In that moment the Holy Spirit filled the room and both Dr. Conners and I began to cry. This tall and sternly man who saved my life, sat on side of a young 16 year old girl and together we sobbed like babies. This was the first time I really knew there is a God. A God who is powerful, who is a healer and a miracle maker. It was in that moment that I knew who I belonged to, and it was in that moment that my faith was born.
XO
Emma